My Window

I am so distraught. The window on this path has been getting splashed upon every time I think I've cleaned it off. I filled with the fear of abandonment. It feels like I have peeking at my life through a window dirtied my abandonment issues. I am looking for my Windex now.

'For a woman, coming off fear is like an addict coming off drugs.' Vivian Gornick

Men!

On this Path of the Emperor, I am seeing my husband in a different light. Last week, I had a sympathetic, empathetic insight into how my husband thinks. I saw the 'cavemen' needing to provide for his woman. It was heartfelt. Well, the worm iside of my head has turned. Now I want men to be more like women!

'In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.' Robert Frost

The Path of the Emperor

As Emperor on my throne - all that I see - is my kingdom. And that is exactly the point of this Path for me. All that I can see - is all the ways that I can see it. It is only the way I can see it. I am so stopping now and seeing if I can think of the situation I am in in a different way.

'The most successful people are those who are good at plan B.' James Yorke

Fears and Belief Systems

I am finding a level of insight into the fears that form my belief systems. Or is it my belief systems creating and supporting my fears. I know confusion for me is a good thing. It means that I am ready for change - ready to step outside of my comfort zone.

'Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.' Arnold Bennett

The Emperor Has New Clothes

I couldn't resist the blog title now that I am on the Path of the Emperor. Before officially being on the Path of the Emperor, I had started seeing my husband with different eyes. I could sense the male 'caretaker/provider' in him. Surprisingly, this did not trigger the 'caretaker/nurturer' in me. I felt taken care of, perhaps, for the first time ever. Maybe because I felt more present in our relationship. I felt safe. The benevolence of the Emperor was coming through my husband.

'Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.' Charles Schulz

A Pattern I found in Yesod

I am diligently working on releasing the pattern of 'not following up.' I am an idea person. I have all these great ideas...and I just want someone else to materialize them for me. I believe it has to do with risking...and the responsibility of what can happen after the idea is materialized.

'How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.' Annie Dillard

Abundance is Where You Look

I am experiencing a quiet acknowledging of the Empress working, or rather, being in my life. I am seeing any disruptions in my life as part of a larger piece of the puzzle. I seem to be able to detach from things that used to stress me. I truly feel richly blessed.

'Great talent finds happiness in execution.' Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Yesod and Patterns

I am sheepishly looking at my patterns. I must be growing because I am looking closer at the patterns of my life. I can see where I have been choosing survival modes of behavior instead of being in a place of gratitude. I am experiencing more pauses in my life...in order to make better choices of what I want to bring into Malkuth.

'Life is the sum of all your choices.' Albert Camus

Empress and Creativity

I feel so pregnant in my ideas and my actions. The Empress in all her abundance is helping me harvest her potential. When I create, I am abundant. My expressions of action and emotion, when I touch in to the gifts of the Empress, come from a greater sense of my Higher Self. My thinking goes from 'me' to 'us.'

'It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.' C. S. Lewis

Yesod and My Potential

I have had trouble with my blog...and so much has happened. I am speaking on the Tarot at Borders in Oak Park, Il. This has been a re-awakening into what the Tarot has done for me and how the Tarot are pictographs of the Tree of Life. This is one of the opportunities afforded me by Yesod. I feel like my Tree of Life work is changing my brain patterns - for the good. My courage is growing - my risk-taking is taking a new turn.
'Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.' John Lennon

Daleth and Doors Opening

I am pleased to announce that I will be appearing at Borders Books in Oak Park, IL on Sunday, Jan 9 from 2-4. I see that this is another door that has opened for me during my pathwork on Daleth. I have been seeing opportunities and seizing them - not quite heedlessly - but with the attitude that I don't know where this will take me. The Empress and I will be sitting on our thrones receiving....
'Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.' Arthur Ashe

Mirrors of Yesod

I have been examining my patterns through the mirrors of Yesod. It is the new year and I have been tempted to make resolutions. I am resisting and have started declaring that my patterns are changing. I am not addressing my habits. That has been an old way of thinking for me. It's interesting to note that by looking at the smaller picture of me in the Yesod mirrors I am able to see the bigger picture of my life.
'It is more important to know where you are going than to get there quickly. Do not mistake activity for achievement.' Mabel Newcomber

From Kether to Tipharet

What I am 'grocking' the most from my Path of Gimel (from Kether to Tipharet) is a better grasp and understanding the way of the Middle Pillar. I do not hope to digest this Path fully. Qabalah is a way of life. Pathworking is allowing me a clarity about my fears. It would be really nice not to have any fears - but then what fun would there be in this dimension? Love. of course, is the antithesis. And have I not created my world to use my fears to bring me to greater levels of love? (I think I just surprised myself.)
'It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.' Frederick Douglass

My Path Between Kether and Tipharet

As I travel from Kether to Tipharet, I am gaining a new perspective of the "I" that I am. I am in a deep process of forgiveness - looking at my world through my eyes, realizing its subjectivity. I can only change the outer by changing the inner.
"Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world." Arthur Schopenhauer

Gimel, My Camel Path

I was contemplating the Path of Gimel. I was contemplating walking like a camel, which is what Gimel means. I am taking this quite literally. A camel's hoofs are designed for walking on sand and its body is uniquely designed, and has evolved, for the desert. So how have I evolved? What am I most efficient for? Uniquely designed for? My path in life is a path of service. So I am uniquely designed for the path I have chosen. As a Kabbalist, I have chosen to live the Tree of Life and all of its Paths.
'You have to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there.' Yogi Berra

High Priestess and Me

I seem to be challenged with the Path of the High Priestess. In my past, I can see a pattern of interrupt. When things were going well, I would interrupt with some kind or level of chaos. On the Middle Pillar Path of the High Priestess, I seem to be feeling my fears instead of letting go of them.
"The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not." George Bernard Shaw

The Path of Gimel

I am now on the Path of the Hebrew letter, Gimel. This is the path between Kether and Tipharet. Gimel is camel. And so I share be riding a camel for awhile. I am excited about the possibilities that await me on this path on the Middle Pillar. I am already feeling more balanced from being on the Middle Pillar. However, I have seen movies where people have ridden camels, and it dos not look too easy - and sand is not a flat surface. I shall be holding onto the reins with both hands.
'The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth.' Chinese Proverb

Magician on Path 12

I am experiencing great abundance. I amusing the Sephiroth to solve my problems. I am releasing them into and through the energies of the Sephiroth needed at teh time. I feel as if the Magician's tools are now available to me as never before. I feel like I am living the magical life.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver

Trojan Virus in Malkuth

Malkuth is the physical. I am, and my world is, a result of my choices. I received the Trojan virus from someone I trusted. Being a Kabbalist, I affirm that nothing happens in my world without design. A Trojan virus holds destruction (of your operating system) as did the original Trojan horse (of a destroying army). I looked at what needed to start over in my life. What operating system in my life needed to be destroyed - so that it could be re-booted? I am now looking at my life as a business - what is profitable, right action and what is not. Thoughts produce after their kind - so am in in the red? And where?
‘Remember this, and also be persuaded of its truth - the future is not in the hands of fate, but in ourselves.’ Jules Jullerand

Intelligent Transparency on Path12

There is a great song in the musical, "Chicago" called "Cellophane" - at least I think that its the full title. In it, one the characters says that 'they look right through me, see right through me.' That is exactly how I feel. And my fear of Transparency, Intelligent or not, means that I have become invisible. And in my world, invisible has always equated with abandonable. This is a fear I am walking through as I walk this Path. And I am looking forward to the Divine Mother in Binah awaiting me with open arms.