Magician on Path 12

I am experiencing great abundance. I amusing the Sephiroth to solve my problems. I am releasing them into and through the energies of the Sephiroth needed at teh time. I feel as if the Magician's tools are now available to me as never before. I feel like I am living the magical life.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver

Trojan Virus in Malkuth

Malkuth is the physical. I am, and my world is, a result of my choices. I received the Trojan virus from someone I trusted. Being a Kabbalist, I affirm that nothing happens in my world without design. A Trojan virus holds destruction (of your operating system) as did the original Trojan horse (of a destroying army). I looked at what needed to start over in my life. What operating system in my life needed to be destroyed - so that it could be re-booted? I am now looking at my life as a business - what is profitable, right action and what is not. Thoughts produce after their kind - so am in in the red? And where?
‘Remember this, and also be persuaded of its truth - the future is not in the hands of fate, but in ourselves.’ Jules Jullerand

Intelligent Transparency on Path12

There is a great song in the musical, "Chicago" called "Cellophane" - at least I think that its the full title. In it, one the characters says that 'they look right through me, see right through me.' That is exactly how I feel. And my fear of Transparency, Intelligent or not, means that I have become invisible. And in my world, invisible has always equated with abandonable. This is a fear I am walking through as I walk this Path. And I am looking forward to the Divine Mother in Binah awaiting me with open arms.

Emotional Intelligent Transparency

I realized today that my feeling way of being has transformed to a thinking way of being. My usual way of being was to feel first, and think later. This led to many ill-conceived decisions. This Path 12 is allowing my emotions and feelings to become transparent to me. It is an interesting place to be - more of a challenge than anything else.
'Your life is what your thoughts make it.' Marcus Aurelius

Bet - Path of Intelligent Transparency

I am trying to get a grasp on the concept of Intelligence of Transparency, which is the name of Path 12. In my Qabalah Teacher's training, I did see a transparency to my own machinations. I did see very clearly, perhaps, too clearly, how easy it was to become judgmental. Perhaps, the deeper truth is to see how easily I became triggered by my own stuff. My triggers (fears of being abandoned and invisible)did become transparent to me. They helped me define my place in the world - sort of like a house for me to live in. And, I just realized, (coincidence?) that the Hebrew letter, Bet, translates as house.
"Home ought to be our clearinghouse, the place from which we go forth lessoned and disciplined, and ready for life." Kathleen Norris

The House of the Hebrew letter, Bet

I have just finished training to become a Qabalah teacher. The training was incredible. My teacher, Laurie Huber (Gundnason), is a real gift. Please do check out her site, www.7thMysteryschool.com.
I filled my house with so many good things. I had challenges. I was triggered. And, really, that is what Qabalah is all a out. I used the Sephiroth on the Tree of Life to fill my house with great tools. I used the love of Tipharet, the 'I' to transcend my petty contrivances. I really saw that I could transcend (with spiritual work) any envy and jealousy and that my negative emotions are really contrivances. I saw that my attachments skewed my perceptions.

Gratitude for the Pagth(s) that I am on

I am in training to become a Teacher of the Qabalah. I am in Malkuth (Path 10)and on the Pathworking Path 12, the Path of Hebrew letter Bet (Beit, Beth). Yesterday, I became so judgmental and resentful of another person. I think that it took the energies of all these Paths to help me reach the humility and teachability I needed. I basically was jealous. Being ascended into Malkuth, I saw what attention I wasn't getting - and not grateful for what I had received already. I am grateful it took less than one minute from jealousy/judgment/resentment to humility/teachability. I have been know to have to work on a resentment for quite awhile. So my turnaround time is vastly improving!
'Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.' Vincent van Gogh

Bet: the Jouney to Self Awareness instead of Self Consciousness

Yesterday, traveling to SLC for the Qabalah Teacher's training, I journeyed through abandonment. Or rather, I journeyed through how I have perceived myself as 'abandonable.' Actually, it has been more like trying to get abandoned in the present day, to make sense of the abandonments throughout a dysfunctional childhood. I realized that I can't make sense of the past - that hat happened, happened. And no one can give me back what I lost then. I realized that I have been the only one perpetuating my sense of abandonment, or 'abandonability.' I have been self-conscious about abandonment, carrying the past around with me, trying to make sense out of the nonsensical. I have reached a level of self-awareness through Bet - that abandonment is an internal process. And today, I choose to support myself, cherish myself.
'As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.' John F. Kennedy

Path 12 and Fear

While in the Malkuth class, Sunday, I experienced great fear - irrational fear. My teacher, Laurie, helped me realize that Malkuth is grounding me in my body like never before - and I am feeling. I had to find the anger under the fear and then understand what Sephiroth this fear related to. I did. It is Geburah - boundaries. I found the fear of childhood boundaries having been violated. I am breathing through it still in process.
'Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be.' Jose Ortega y Gassett

Malkuth, again

I am ascending up the Tree of Life, while I am going 'down' through the Pathworking. I feel a tug between Malkuth and The Magician. Malkuth is grounding me in my body in a way I have yet to experience. All the while, I am feeling high from the energies of creating through The Magician. It is fascinating that both experiences deal with the 4 elements. The Magician has them at his disposal - to create - while Malkuth has them as made manifest. I am totally excited about the possibilities of experiences.
'And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.' Kahlil Gibran

The Magician's Tools

So, on Path 12, I leave Kether with all the tools I need. Now, my journey will be one of learning how to most effectively use these tools. I have left Kether, one level, complete. For me, the trust in God of The Fool is being morphed into the trust in myself. Do I have the courage to use these tools correctly? Is there a wrong way to use the tools? Being The Magician, I have in my life exactly what I have needed to get me to this point. Fair enough. So, if I want to be in a different place, I will have to use the tools differently.
‘What really matters is what you do with what you have.’ Shirley Lord

Magician and My Intention

My knee went out this morning (not the first time). And all my agendas and intentions for today went out the window. I envisioned The Magician and all his tools and I didn't have the centeredness (due to knee pain) to use them. I would have been reacting and trying to fix. I was anything or anywhere but in the moment. I realized that to be a magician, or The Magician, yo have to be, can only be, in the moment. Regular magicians do not do tricks in the future or the past. They are totally fixed in the moment.
'Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.' Buddha

Worth and This Work - Through the Eyes of The Magician

I had an amazing awareness while sitting in the dentist chair yesterday. I had a cap removed, in order to be replaced. Tears streamed down my face as the cap was removed. The trauma of the tooth injury of over 30 years ago was released. And what came up was 'what am I worth?' Not in money. In what I had brought into life. I got that ALL that I have in my life, I have brought into my life. I am The Magician. I have all the elements of creation. All in my life has been created from my choices. Only, until yesterday, most of these choices have been made with varying levels of fear. I have feared that people will find out that I have no worth - that I have to keep doing, to be of value, to be of worth.
Sitting in the dentist chair, I kept seeing The Magician card.
'If you want things to be different, perhaps the answer is to become different yourself.' Norman Vincent Peale

The Magician

I am still working on Trust and have to go within to find it. But when I study The Magician card, and see the 4 symbols, the 4 elements and am brought without to find the Trust. The Magician's arm positions remind me of 'as above, so below.' So, playing Devil's Advocate, does God trust me?
'To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.'
Reba McEntire

Path 12

Path 11 (and all that it offers me) certainly intensified its presence in my life in the last few days. I am glad to be on Path 12 with The Magician. I am facing such trust issues with someone I have believed in for over 23 years. This is rocking my concept of self. This issue is making me take a hard look at who I say I am - and what are my founding principle and beliefs. Actually, I do feel like I have jumped off the cliff as The Fool and am still in free fall. So I humbly accept the Path of The Magician. What comforts me in this moment is that The Magician is prepared. He has all four symbols, all four elements, there in front of him for his use.
'We can't plan life. All we can do is be available for it.' Lauren Hill

The Fool and Trust Issue

I sent an email to someone Sunday. And the response that I received really hurt. I felt vulnerable and misunderstood. I had to see where maybe I was standing at the cliff's edge. I didn't think that there was a risk element to my email. But the response certainly had me of the brink of having to trust who I am and what my motives were. How can I say that I am in the right. WE all live through our perspectives. The other person's perspective of my email has a right to be expressed. I am especially grateful that a friend intervened to remind me that I hadn't done anything wrong. So I was able to walk away trusting in myself more strongly.
'Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.' Jack Buck

Aleph and Creation

When I draw the Hebrew letter, Aleph, I draw it seeing the essence of 'as above, so below.'I was reversing, 'as above, so below' to 'as below, so above.' And then I turned Aleph upside down. And I saw that the slash (for want of a better word) is like a veil. The top 'foot' or 'arm' is smaller than the bottom one. When I turned the letter upside down, I had an awareness that it takes so little Divine energy to create. It is how we cross the veil(s) to manifest that we need to grow the energy - hence going down the Tree of Life, to build the force, the momentum, to physically create from the Divine creative energy.
'Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.' Anais Nin