Emotional Intelligent Transparency

I realized today that my feeling way of being has transformed to a thinking way of being. My usual way of being was to feel first, and think later. This led to many ill-conceived decisions. This Path 12 is allowing my emotions and feelings to become transparent to me. It is an interesting place to be - more of a challenge than anything else.
'Your life is what your thoughts make it.' Marcus Aurelius

Bet - Path of Intelligent Transparency

I am trying to get a grasp on the concept of Intelligence of Transparency, which is the name of Path 12. In my Qabalah Teacher's training, I did see a transparency to my own machinations. I did see very clearly, perhaps, too clearly, how easy it was to become judgmental. Perhaps, the deeper truth is to see how easily I became triggered by my own stuff. My triggers (fears of being abandoned and invisible)did become transparent to me. They helped me define my place in the world - sort of like a house for me to live in. And, I just realized, (coincidence?) that the Hebrew letter, Bet, translates as house.
"Home ought to be our clearinghouse, the place from which we go forth lessoned and disciplined, and ready for life." Kathleen Norris

The House of the Hebrew letter, Bet

I have just finished training to become a Qabalah teacher. The training was incredible. My teacher, Laurie Huber (Gundnason), is a real gift. Please do check out her site, www.7thMysteryschool.com.
I filled my house with so many good things. I had challenges. I was triggered. And, really, that is what Qabalah is all a out. I used the Sephiroth on the Tree of Life to fill my house with great tools. I used the love of Tipharet, the 'I' to transcend my petty contrivances. I really saw that I could transcend (with spiritual work) any envy and jealousy and that my negative emotions are really contrivances. I saw that my attachments skewed my perceptions.

Gratitude for the Pagth(s) that I am on

I am in training to become a Teacher of the Qabalah. I am in Malkuth (Path 10)and on the Pathworking Path 12, the Path of Hebrew letter Bet (Beit, Beth). Yesterday, I became so judgmental and resentful of another person. I think that it took the energies of all these Paths to help me reach the humility and teachability I needed. I basically was jealous. Being ascended into Malkuth, I saw what attention I wasn't getting - and not grateful for what I had received already. I am grateful it took less than one minute from jealousy/judgment/resentment to humility/teachability. I have been know to have to work on a resentment for quite awhile. So my turnaround time is vastly improving!
'Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.' Vincent van Gogh

Bet: the Jouney to Self Awareness instead of Self Consciousness

Yesterday, traveling to SLC for the Qabalah Teacher's training, I journeyed through abandonment. Or rather, I journeyed through how I have perceived myself as 'abandonable.' Actually, it has been more like trying to get abandoned in the present day, to make sense of the abandonments throughout a dysfunctional childhood. I realized that I can't make sense of the past - that hat happened, happened. And no one can give me back what I lost then. I realized that I have been the only one perpetuating my sense of abandonment, or 'abandonability.' I have been self-conscious about abandonment, carrying the past around with me, trying to make sense out of the nonsensical. I have reached a level of self-awareness through Bet - that abandonment is an internal process. And today, I choose to support myself, cherish myself.
'As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.' John F. Kennedy

Path 12 and Fear

While in the Malkuth class, Sunday, I experienced great fear - irrational fear. My teacher, Laurie, helped me realize that Malkuth is grounding me in my body like never before - and I am feeling. I had to find the anger under the fear and then understand what Sephiroth this fear related to. I did. It is Geburah - boundaries. I found the fear of childhood boundaries having been violated. I am breathing through it still in process.
'Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be.' Jose Ortega y Gassett

Malkuth, again

I am ascending up the Tree of Life, while I am going 'down' through the Pathworking. I feel a tug between Malkuth and The Magician. Malkuth is grounding me in my body in a way I have yet to experience. All the while, I am feeling high from the energies of creating through The Magician. It is fascinating that both experiences deal with the 4 elements. The Magician has them at his disposal - to create - while Malkuth has them as made manifest. I am totally excited about the possibilities of experiences.
'And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.' Kahlil Gibran